BRAVE ANALYSIS
by Memer413
Summary: BRAVE ANALYSIS


"I FUCKING HATE YOU MERIDA'S MOM" SAYS MERIDA. MERIDA'S MOM ROARS ANGRILY IN RESPONSE. SHE IS NOT A BEAR YET.  
MERIDA IS FULL OF TEENAGE ANGST NOW. SHE GOES INTO A FOREST AND FOLLOWS SOME MYSTERIOUS LIGHTS, BECAUSE SHE IS A DUMBASS. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THEY WILL TAKE HER. MAYBE THEY WILL LEAD HER TO HER DEATH. BUT SHE DOESN'T CARE BECAUSE SHE IS NAÏVE. THEY TAKE HER TO MERIDA'S GRANDMA.

"IM NOT A WITCH" SAYS THE WITCH UPON MERIDA'S ENTRY. "OK I AM. YOU CAUGHT ME. WHAT DO YOU WANT. I AM PERFECTLY WILLING TO GIVE DANGEROUS SPELLS TO STRANGERS."

"I NEED A SPELL TO KILL MY MOM" SAYS MERIDA.

"OK" SAYS THE WITCH, WHO GIVES HER A CAKE. EXCEPT IT WAS INFUSED WITH THE WRONG SPELL, IT WAS A SPELL TO TURN PEOPLE INTO BEARS. BECAUSE THE WITCH IS BASICALLY YZMA, FROM THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE, AND PROBABLY ALSO HAS ALZHEIMERS OR SOMETHING. THE WITCH THEN FEELS HORRIBLY GUILT-RIDDEN BECAUSE SHE HAS FAILED HER DUTY TO OFF AN ABUSIVE PARENT. SHE RUNS AWAY, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN DURING THE MOVIE.

MERIDA RETURNS TO THE CASTLE. SHE SNEAKS INTO THE CASTLE SILENTLY TO PLACE THE CAKE IN WITH HER MOTHER'S FOOD. SHE KNOWS IF HER MOTHER CATCHES HER RETURN TO THE CASTLE, SHE WILL PROBABLY BEAT HER HORRIBLY, MOST LIKELY USING THE RACK. MERIDA'S MOM GNASHES THE CAKE WITH HER LONG, SHARP TEETH. NOW SHES A BEAR.

"ROAR" SAYS THE BEAR. MAUDIE IS NEARBY AND SHE SCREAMS. WHICH CAUSES HER BREASTS TO JIGGLE A LOT. IT IS EXTREMELY AROUSING, BOTH TO MERIDA AND TO THE AUDIENCE. WHICH IS YOU. DON'T EVEN TRY TO HIDE IT ASSHOLE.

THE MERIDA'S MOM BEAR CHASES AFTER MERIDA. SHE IS FURIOUS. BECAUSE MERIDA TURNED HER INTO A BEAR. BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE MERIDA DOES NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED. TO HIDEOUS AND ANNOYING STRANGERS. IT INFURIATES HER THAT A CHILD COULD EVER THINK OF DOING SOMETHING AS HORRIFYINGLY DISGUSTING AS DISOBEY THE ORDERS OF A PARENT. WHO DOES MERIDA THINK SHE IS, A PERSON? SHE SINCERELY DOUBTS IT. AND WITH GOOD REASON, GIVEN THE FACT THAT MERIDA'S IQ IS ROUGHLY EQUIVALENT TO THAT OF A POTATO.

THE MERIDA'S MOM BEAR SLASHES MERIDA IN THE BACK AND BLOOD OOZES EVERYWHERE. MERIDA FALLS TO THE GROUND. SHE KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME. HER MOTHER COULD NOT CONTAIN HER FURY FOREVER. "WAIT!" SAYS MERIDA. SHE REMEMBERS THAT SHE CAN FIX HER MOTHER BY SEWING TOGETHER A TAPESTRY. BECAUSE MAGIC. MAGIC DOESN'T NEED EXPLANATIONS, ITS MAGIC, JUST FUCKING GO WITH IT. MERIDA PULLS OUT THE TAPESTRY AND A NEEDLE AND THREAD. HOW NICE IS IT, THAT EVERYTHING IS CONVENIENTLY TOGETHER LIKE THIS? HOWEVER, MERIDA'S ATTEMPTS ARE FUTILE. BECAUSE SHE SOON FALLS VICTIM TO HER PERSISTENT PROCRASTINATION. "I WILL DO THIS LATER. I STILL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME" SAYS MERIDA, ABOUT 3 MINUTES BEFORE THE SECOND SUNRISE.

THE MERIDA'S MOM BEAR KNOCKS MERIDA DOWN AGAIN, AND PREPARES TO COME IN FOR THE KILL. SHE POSITIONS HER JAWS AROUND MERIDA'S HEAD. SHE HOLDS THIS POSITION FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES. SHE EXPECTS THE HEROINE OF THE STORY TO ARRIVE AND STOP HER "JUST IN TIME". BECAUSE IT IS A DISNEY MOVIE. HOWEVER, MAUDIE IS CURRENTLY PREOCCUPIED. THE MERIDA'S MOM BEAR BITES OFF MERIDA'S HEAD. SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO CONSUME THE ORGANS.

"IF ONLY MERIDA HAD DONE WHAT I TOLD HER TO AND MARRIED THAT ONE BLONDE GUY WHO IS MOST LIKELY SUFFERING FROM SOME SORT OF MENTAL DISABILITY" THOUGHT THE MERIDA'S MOM BEAR. "THIS IS ALL MERIDA'S FAULT. SHE COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS. I AM IN NO WAY TO BLAME FOR HER DEATH." THE MERIDA'S MOM BEAR WAS SUFFICIENTLY CONVINCED OF THIS AND FELT NO GUILT.

MERIDA'S DAD ARRIVED AND SAW THE BEAR AND HE WAS LIKE, "IT'S A BEAR." HE COMPLETELY LOST HIS SHIT ABOUT IT BECAUSE, HATING BEARS IS BASICALLY HIS ENTIRE PERSONALITY. HE RETRIEVED A LARGE, SHARPENED WEAPON, WHICH WAS CONVENIENTLY LAYING NEARBY. HE WAVES IT ALL AROUND, AND EVEN THOUGH HE HAS CANONICALLY BEEN SHOWN TO BE EXTREMELY ADEPT AND ACCURATE WITH MELEE WEAPONS, HE MISSES REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE DISNEY. BUT EVENTUALLY, HE SLICES OFF HER HEAD. HE SHEDS A SINGLE TEAR OF JOY.

"THE WITCH IS DEAD!" HE SCREAMS. "MY WIFE, IS FINALLY DEAD!" YES, HE KNEW IT WAS HIS WIFE. HE HAD BEEN WAITING FOR A GOOD EXCUSE TO KILL HER FOR A LONG TIME. HE WAS JUST SO SICK. OF HOW SHE PERSISTENTLY TRIES TO RUIN THE LIVES OF HIS CHILDREN. IT MADE HIM SO, VERY SAD. BUT NOW SHE WAS GONE. THE ENTIRE TOWN CHEERED. THE CLOUDS WERE CLEARED. CONFETTI FELL FROM THE SKY. MISERY ALL ACROSS THE LAND CAME TO A HALT. THE EPITOME OF ALL ABUSE AND SUFFERING HAD BEEN PUT TO A BLOODY END, AND THIS WAS A DAY FOR CELEBRATION.


End file.
